What do you tell your child when she or he asks "Why?"

The terrifying truth about custody evaluators--from our friend Charlie Asher of UpToParents, below.




The frightening reality is that custody evaluations are not only unscientific, biased, acrimonious, and often harmful to parents and children, they're extraordinarily expensive.  So, having insisted (or been duped into) one, what do you tell your child when he or she asks for a video game you can't or won't afford? Or a bike? Or a special field trip at school?  Music lessons? A special sports event?

"Sorry, dear! I spent $20,000 wringing out my intense anger against your mom/dad with a quack psychologist who made things worse, so I can't buy you those guitar lessons."

"I know you want to go on that trip with your school that costs $1,000, but mom blew $300,000 on a divorce attorney and got nothing but misery. Sorry!"

"Well yes college is important and I know you want to go, but that can't happen now because I still owe my divorce lawyer $100,000 I can't pay, and can't get a job because I demolished my career, your mom's/dad's career, and pretty much everyone I used to know that could help me get a job is frightened of me now. But hey, you can take out low income loans and be in debt for the rest of your life just like mom and dad!"

The message? "Sorry, Mom's anger at Dad was more important than you, your needs, or your future."

Or how about "Somebody else made me do it"? Is that a better excuse?

How about "I had no choice! I'm a victim!" Does that end the discussion?

What answer could you possibly give that justifies blowing your child's present and future on YOUR shallow, short-sighted emotional narcissism or foolishness in hiring a fraudulent custody evaluator?

If this is you, mom or dad, you probably don't deserve to be near children, much less be a parent to one.

If this is your mom or dad, God bless you. You deserve much, much better.